Parent Talk Guide to Happier Kids with Pam Garramone

       

A few weeks ago many Parent Talk members braved the cold to attend "The Parent Talk Guide to Happier Kids", the latest installment of the Parent Talk Lecture Series. Presenter Pam Garramone was fantastic; not only did she provide lots of amazing info, but she was extremely funny and made the evening super fun. In case you weren't able to make it out that night (or if you were, but didn't take detailed nerd-notes like I do), hopefully I can relay some of the ideas and resources Pam shared with us that night; however, I'm not nearly as funny as she is, so I recommend you attend one of her talks if the opportunity arises in the future.
          There has been a good deal of research done to try to determine what it is that makes happy people happy - data has been collected and compared regarding where people live, what they do for work, how they spend their time, and pretty much every other possible determinant affecting how we feel. And it turns out that happiness may be far simpler to attain than many of us think. Based on this research, happiness is 50% genetic, 10% external, and 40% actions and thoughts.

          So 40% of what determines whether or not we are happy is within our control, we just need to think positive thoughts - easy, right? Not quite. Our default when it comes to thinking is what is referred to as "negativity bias" - on average we have 70,000 thoughts a day, and 85% of these are negative. Add to this that our awareness of our surroundings is so influenced by what we are already thinking that we tend to see what we expect to see, what we are already thinking about, and miss the rest. Take this video awareness test to see what I'm talking about.

The good news is we can increase our happiness without having to move or change our jobs. Instead we can focus on finding things that make us feel good, pursuing activities that we enjoy, spending time with others, finding meaning in our actions, and accomplishing the goals we set for ourselves. And we can bring our kids along for the ride.

Cultivate a Growth Mindset
"Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." Henry Ford
You've probably heard the terms "fixed mindset" and "growth mindset" - in a nutshell, fixed mindset is thinking that we are inherently good or bad at certain things, while a growth mindset believes that we can achieve whatever we want if we put the effort in. From the perspective of a fixed mindset, mistakes, failures and rejections are devastating and final, indicative of permanent weaknesses or inability. From the perspective of a growth mindset these same experiences, while still disappointing, do not define us, and can be learned from to further us on the path to success.  We can help our kids develop a growth mindset by teaching them to enjoy the learning process, mistakes and all. How? Rather than praising our kids, we can praise what they are doing/have done. Example: instead of "You're great at math!" try "Wow, I'm so impressed with how much you've been learning in math!" Instead of "You're such a good dancer!" try "I love watching you dance!". If kids feel they have to live up to an expectation of "being good at" something, they will be afraid to make mistakes. Here's a short video about growth mindset: http://www.letitripple.org/films/science-of-character/

Identify Strengths and Use Them
When we use our strengths we feel good about ourselves and engage in less negative thinking. Different people have different strengths - this survey can help you determine what yours are, and there's a test for kids too: www.viacharacter.org
How can we help our kids identify and enjoy their own strengths? Here's an example: "I noticed that you [insert strength here] when you [insert behavior here]"

Practice Gratitude
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life." Melody Beattie
When we consciously think about the things that are good in our lives we dominate our internal dialogue with positive thoughts, which can tip the thought scales and overcome our negativity bias. Make a regular gratitude practice part of your routine, and you will start noticing and appreciating all the good things going on around you.

Some ways to practice gratitude on your own, or with your kids:
Gratitude jar – keep a jar and a little bag of dried beans on the table, and at meals have each person share something she's grateful for and put a bean in the jar. Watch the jar fill up.
Gratitude call – make a phone call to someone you are grateful to have in your life.
Gratitude journal - every day write down a few things you are grateful for. A morning ritual I've found effective is writing down 10 things I'm grateful for, 10 people I love who love me, and 10 personal goals.
Gratitude visit – write a letter to someone you are grateful to have in your life, find a time to meet with her, and read her the letter.
Gratitude message – every day text/message/email someone in your life thanking or praising them in some way.
What Went Well exercise – Write down or share 3 things that happened in the last 24 hours that made you feel good. I've started doing this one every night before bed with my daughter, and she loves it; a friend of mine does it on the car ride to school in the morning.

Connect With Other Human Beings
"You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with." Jim Rohn
Social connection is the greatest predictor of a happy personal life and of academic success. The people we choose to spend time with have a profound effect on our general wellbeing. Make it a priority that your child spend some time with a friend (other than at school) every week.

Help Others
Unsung Hero Video
We are hardwired to care about other human beings. Our brains even fire mirror neurons when we witness another human being suffering. There is no faster, more direct route to feeling good than helping or making someone else feel good, especially when the someone else is a stranger. Research suggests that helping others benefits our physical wellbeing as well. Find opportunities to volunteer in your community with your child. Parent Talk offers opportunities for family volunteering such as making overnight bags for Project Night Night, in which even very young children can participate.

Consider becoming a Parent Talk member to gain access to more great programming year-round.
And visit https://www.pamgarramone.com to invite Pam to come speak to your group and spread the joy of simply being happy!

About the Author:

Laura Perras is a mom and Realtor who grew up in Needham, lives in Brookline, and makes up half of the Perras Group at William Raveis Real Estate.  She’s involved in Parent Talk as Board CoChair of Marketing and Communications & Blog Coordinator.  Please reach out if you would like to submit a post to the blog or have feedback or ideas regarding what you’d like to see here : Laura.Perras.Realtor@gmail.com

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Flicks On The Field This Saturday August 25th! Featuring "SING"!

Join Parent Talk for a night under the stars featuring the movie "SING"

Needham, MA – Parent Talk is hosting it’s 12^th Annual Outdoor Movie Night, Flicks on the Field. The event will be held on Saturday, August 25^th *Rain Date August 26^th* at Memorial Field in front of Needham High School.

Friends and families from surrounding MetroWest towns will convene on the field beginning at 6:30 pm for children’s entertainment featuring Davey the Clown, face painting, music, games, and more. At sundown (7:45 pm), attendees will gather blankets and chairs and enjoy this year’s feature film, Sing, on the big screen. Light concessions and refreshments including popcorn and cotton candy will be available. The cost of the event is FREE. Families are encouraged to bring a food donation to help support the Needham Community Council. A big thank you to this year’s Flicks on the Field sponsors: Copley Motor Cars, Louise Condon Realty, and Wegmans, as well as our Parent Talk sponsors: Needham Bank, Charles River School, Dedham Country Day, and Goldfish Swim School.

Questions? Download our Frequently Asked Questions here: FAQs

 

Parent Talk Flicks on the Field featuring ‘SING’

Saturday, August 25th^th *Rain Date: August 26^th*

6:30 pm Children’s Entertainment, 7:45 Movie Begins

Memorial Field (In front of Needham High School), 92 Rosemary Street, Needham MA

Cost of entry: FREE! Please bring a food donation to help support the Needham Community Council.

For more information, please email flicksonthefield@parenttalk.info or visit www.parenttalk.info.

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About Parent Talk

Parent Talk is a community-based organization helping families with young children connect, learn, play, and grow together. We offer comprehensive enrichment activities designed to help members build relationships as well as educational tools and vehicles focused on child development and parenting. Our membership is comprised of approximately 500 families residing in Needham, Dover, Westwood, Natick and surrounding towns.

Parent Talk members enjoy numerous benefits including playgroups, lectures, free access to our indoor playspace, free museum passes, retail discounts, reduced rates on select children’s classes, family activities, and social events for children and parents. In addition, Parent Talk offers clubs and committees designed to engage members in the community and develop lifelong friendships.

Founded in 1991, Parent Talk is a non-profit organization run entirely by a network of dedicated volunteers and holds a large and active presence in the local community.

Consign or Donate Your Used Kids' Items at the Parent Talk Sale!

WHY CONSIGN AT THE SALE?

We all see the posts on For Sale and parent groups on Facebook, and it often occurs to me that I could get rid of the piles of outgrown kid stuff in my house that way, but I rarely do. The few times I've tried did not result in the easy success I anticipated. After volunteering at the Sale and seeing how it works, I realized that consigning was actually a much better way to clear out my used stuff than by attempting to sell items one at a time online.

1. I can get everything out of my house at once.
2. Everyone who sees my items will be specifically looking to buy these types of items, and there's a ton of people at the Sale. That's much better exposure than to people who may or may not be seriously looking to buy anything, may just see the post by accident, scrolling through a thousand other posts on their phones on the couch at night. Check out all the ready to go shoppers in the background:

3. If somebody buys my items, they take them right there. We don't have to schedule a pick up that may or may not go down. I've waited for someone to pick up free stuff and been stood up before, I imagine that happens more frequently when it isn't free.
4. If somebody buys it, I get some $$, while also supporting this fantastic organization - both financially and by contributing my really cool items to make the Sale the awesome event that it is.
5. No negotiation. Nobody is going to show up, dig in their pockets and say "Oh, I've only got a 5 - is that ok?"
6. If nobody wants my stuff, it's still out of my house. And it goes to charity.

HOW TO CONSIGN ITEMS AT THE SALE

This is the first time I'm consigning things at the Sale, and probably like many people who've never done it before I kind of assumed it would be a big project. One I might never actually get around to. I decided the best way to test this theory would be to actually do it, and for motivation, try to write a blog post about it. Which is working.
SO . . . I'll break it down and make it EVEN easier for you than it has been so far for me :

1. Click on this link CONSIGN AT THE SALE. It will take you to a page with all the info you need about consigning.
2. Download your SELLER'S KIT. This document is yet another testament to the mind blowing efficiency and organization that is the legacy of 25 years of ParentTalk planning. Don't be overwhelmed by the sheer size of it - it's not because this is complicated. It's because this pdf is an easy-to-navigate compilation of the answers to every question posed by sellers over the last 20 years. It practically consigns your stuff FOR you.
3. Get yourself a Seller's ID by emailing the following information to ptsellerkits@gmail.com :

Full Name

Address including zip code

Phone Number

Preferred Email Address

4. Decide what's going. The Seller's Kit has guidelines as to what will and will not be accepted. For the Fall Sale, I'm consigning fall and winter clothing, a shelving unit for organizing toys, and a baby carrier, among other thing. Here's my pile so far:

You don't see any toys, because I'm hiding them.

5. Print out your tags from the template, also found in the Seller's Kit.
6. Label them clearly with price and Seller ID - pricing suggestions are included in the Seller's Kit. To make it easier and make sure your labels are readable, we'd suggest typing in your Seller ID before printing the tags. Some people type in all or a few prices before printing (for example, "$4 shirt" if you're consigning a bunch of shirts) to save time and avoid having to write the same price over and over for similarly priced items.
7. Attach the tags to your items. You might want to purchase a tagging gun like I did. If you are volunteering as well as consigning, this gun will come in quite handy later on - veterans know what I'm talking about. If you don't have a tagging gun, make sure the tags are fastened securely with strong tape so they don't fall off, as items do get moved around quite a bit as people are shopping.

8. Bring your tagged, priced items to the Christ Episcopal Church at 1132 Highland Ave on Friday October 13th between 9am and 8pm. Place them in the areas where they belong, ie. clothing downstairs on racks with the appropriate size, toys upstairs - the Seller's Kit also includes a sizing guide for clothes, and explains where everything goes.
9. Wait for your check. You will receive 50% of all proceeds collected before 11:45a.m. on Sale day, which is Saturday October 14th this year. All items not sold prior to 11:45 a.m. will become a tax deductible donation to Parent Talk.

If you're looking for an even faster way to clear out your gently used items, you can donate them to the Sale and we'll do all the work for you! Donations are currently being accepted at our two drop off locations (6 Birds Hill Ave and 10 Noyes St), or you can bring items directly to the church on Friday October 13th.

If this sounds good to you, check out this other blog post about consigning your used kids' items :
How To Consign and Donate to PT's Sale

Once you've gotten your consigned goods cleared out, it's time to buy more! Consider volunteering 2 hours at the Sale for preferred shopping hours. Check out this post about how much fun it is :
Do Good, Have Fun, and SHOP

See you at the Sale!

About the Author:

Laura Perras is a mom and Realtor who grew up in Needham, where she now works as part of the Perras Group at the William Raveis Needham office. In addition to mom-ing and selling houses, Laura enjoys djing, yoga, and arts and crafts. She’s involved in Parent Talk as Board CoChair of Marketing and Communications, Blog Coordinator, and Sale Committee Member.  Please reach out if you would like to submit a post to the blog or have feedback or ideas regarding what you’d like to see here : Laura.Perras.Realtor@gmail.com