Estate Planning for Families: Why you need a Will and a Trust

By Rachel Schneller Ziegler

Clients frequently say “All I need is a simple will.”  But is that really true?  There is no doubt that your Will is an important part of your estate plan.  Your Will states what happens to your property after your death and appoints a guardian for your children.  But for many people, especially parents of young children, a Will alone is not enough.  You should also create a Revocable Living Trust.  This is true no matter how large your estate.

A Trust is a document in which you establish terms for holding, managing, and using your assets.  A Trustee manages the assets for the benefit of someone else (the beneficiary).   A Revocable Living Trust is a Trust you create while you are living that you can revoke or amend at any time before you die.  

Here are some key reasons to prepare a Revocable Living Trust:

1. Hold and manage money for children and young adults – Assets left to a Trust can be held and managed for the benefit of your children after your death by a Trustee selected by you pursuant to terms set by you.  Without a trust, your property will be distributed to a guardian subject to costly court supervision and terms set by state law, and then distributed outright to children at age 18.  
2. Avoid probate – Probate is a lengthy and costly court proceeding to distribute assets after your death.  Assets in a Trust avoid probate entirely.  
3. Estate tax savings – A Trust can include provisions that can reduce or even eliminate estate taxes.  Without a trust, your family may pay as much as 50% of your total assets in estate taxes.  
4. Protection from creditors – A Revocable Living Trust may protect assets from the reach of a beneficiary’s creditors after your death.  
5. Hold and manage money if you become disabled – Assets held in a trust can be managed by a Trustee selected by you pursuant to terms set by you for your own benefit, in the event you become disabled and cannot manage your own assets.   

Rachel Schneller Ziegler is an attorney concentrating in estate planning and estate administration in Wellesley, Massachusetts.  She is happy to respond to concerns or questions about your estate plan at (617) 641-0000 or rachel@kaiserlawgroup.com.

Disclaimer:  This information is not a substitute for legal counsel.  Nor does it create an attorney-client relationship.  Please contact an attorney for advice specific to your needs.

Lecture Spotlight: Beyond Sibling Rivalry

The final lecture in the 2011 – 2012 Parent Talk Lecture series is scheduled for Tuesday, May 17^th at Olin College.  Peter Goldenthal, PhD, author of Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring and Compassionate will be presenting.  Gather for dessert at 7 pm, the lecture will begin at 7:30. The lecture is free for Parent Talk members and $20 for non-members, $25 at the door. We cannot guarantee availability to walk-ins.  Here is an excerpt from the book on the subject he will be presenting.  Read on and then reserve your tickets today here.

Every parent of two or more children has the same dream. It’s the dream of happy children who love each other and who feel more cooperative than competitive, more empathy than enmity, and far more joy than jealousy. We hope that our children experience their family as consisting of people who help each other, and who feel good about helping each other.

What can parents do to help this dream become a reality? There’s actually quite a lot that you can do. In this essay, I’ll provide some pointers especially for parents of younger children, those who are eight and younger. In future essays, I’ll write about what you can do to help older children and teenagers get along and will also share some ideas that may help you in your relationships with your adult siblings.

Let’s start with some of the basic sources of sibling rivalry among young children and follow that with what you can do to address each of them. Here are the “problems”: attention-seeking; lacking problem-solving skills; physical issues such as tiredness and hunger; and believing that the other child is favored by parents.

• Children who are hungry or tired are difficult in lots of ways, and one of them is their tendency to pick on each other. So before looking for a more complex explanation for a “fight” between your preschoolers, make sure they aren’t tired or hungry.
• Similarly, negotiating with a brother or sister over a toy or favorite place to sit requires pretty high level problem-solving skills. Many sibling conflicts can readily be solved with parental diplomacy and simple instructions on how to “make a deal.”
• The first and last items in the problem list are two sides of the same coin. Children who feel that their sibling (or siblings) are getting more attention believe that those children are mom and dad’s favorites and vice versa.
• Avoid comparisons (even positive ones) at all costs. Don’t say, “You’re the artistic one, your sister is more a people-person.”  If you do, each child will think that the other child’s talent is the “better” one.
• Make sure you have individual time with each of your children.
• If attention is the big issue in your home, try feeding that hunger so well that they don’t need to compete for it. Look for every opportunity to notice what your child is doing: “Wow, you are really coloring that blue!,”or“I noticed that you didn’t trip your little brother when he walked by,”or“I noticed that you used soap when you washed your hands.” Aim for fifty times a day. They won’t fight for attention if you do.

Peter Goldenthal Ph.D., the author of Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring, and Compassionate and four other books, is a Board Certified Family and Clinical Psychologist with offices in Narberth.

Register to hear Peter Goldenthal talk more about sibling rivalry at our May Lecture, held May 17th at Olin College. Please RSVP thru Eventbrite.

After the Final Tag: A Reflection of the 2012 Spring Sale

Written by Nikki Amara Myers

Various areas of the sale.

Three days.  Three incredible days.  Last weekend was pulled together by an absolutely amazing group of volunteers who spent a heck-of-a-lot of time setting-up and moving tables, and organizing clothes, and toys, and shoes, and baby equipment, and books, and bedding, and DVD/CD’s, and greeting volunteers, consignors, and shoppers, and tagging, and pricing, and hanging (and the detangling of wire hangers), and folding, and unfolding, and refolding, and finding little tiny pieces of toys and games that go together, and hauling trash (and there’s a lot of it) to the dumpsters.  The list of things that were successfully done is endless.

Clothes and puzzles.

An enormous amount of work goes into preparing, to organizing, to leading and to implementing the Parent Talk Sale.  This is the 6^th sale I’ve attended; however, it was the 1st sale I’ve been at from start to finish.  What I witnessed was magic.  I saw the space empty and watched its glory unfold.  I have a new appreciation for how hard the Co-Chairs, the Sale Committee, and all the volunteers have to work to make the sale a success.  It takes many incredibly dedicated people to execute the sale in the manner it has been done for years and years.  This IS a well-oiled-machine, and it’s impressive how everyone knows exactly what to do, when, and where.  Volunteers come in.  Things get done.  It’s truly amazing.  A big, humongous, gigantic heartfelt thank you to Seema Meloni and Beth McCarthy, the Sale Co-Chairs, for their leadership, all their hard work and dedication, and their exceptional way of making everyone involved in or attending the sale feel so loved, so appreciated, and so taken care of.  Thank you, ladies!

As the hours passed, the space was transformed into what I always remembered.  The tables were in the correct spots.  The signs were starting to be hung.  The boxes were specifically located as they have always been in the past.  The once blank canvas is now transitioning into the beloved sale, which we all know and love.

Early shoppers waiting in a very long line.

Observing the happenings of Thursday, Friday and Saturday was fascinating.  Most everyone knew what to do.  People were willing to help each other, to train, to teach.  New volunteers were welcomed and given tasks.  People were genuinely asking: what can we do?  There were hugs.  There were cheers.  There was a collective love for the sale that was worn on everyone’s sleeves.  Being one that loves the sale, I enjoy being a part of and sharing these experiences.  The sale seems to tap into a part of all of us that wants to be appreciated, to be needed, to be part of a team, to know you’ve made a difference.  Volunteering at the sale, or some other Parent Talk event, allows you to connect with so many different people that perhaps you may not have met otherwise.  It grants you a wonderful opportunity to be a part of something big, of something meaningful, of something that benefits our community.  If you haven’t volunteered before think about trying one of the many volunteer opportunities Parent Talk has to offer throughout the year. 

This year’s sale brought in a lot of wonderful donations (thank you!) and incredibly nice items to be consigned (thank you!).  So many people volunteered and went above-and-beyond what was expected.  Kindness and generosity were every-present.  A special thank you to those shopping the sale that also provided many random-acts-of-kindnesses as you just jumped in to help with whatever was needed.  Thank you for hauling trash to the dumpster, or for bringing large trash bags of various items to Goodwill or to your homes for storage, or to those folks who helped other shoppers carry large/heavy items to their cars.  It is these acts of kindness that also need to be recognized and acknowledged.  We see you being nice, being kind, and being wonderful human beings.  Thank you-thank you.  What a wonderful way for all of us to celebrate that kindness lives and breathes all around us. 

Donations and Quality Control Center.

The Spring Sale yielded so many incredible treasures.  I hope you found what you were looking for or purchased lots and lots of stuff (because you couldn’t resist).  You contributed in so many ways to the success of the sale and this incredible fundraiser.  Thank you for your generosity.  Thank you for volunteering.  Thank you for shopping the sale, and for bringing your friends and family, and for waiting in such a long line (it was an impressive line this year).  The sale wouldn’t happen without you.  Please mark your calendars as the fall sale is scheduled for Saturday, October 20^th, 2012 (same time, same place).  

All the toys and games.

Shoppers-in-action.

About the Author

Nikki lives locally with her husband and two children. She is a self-proclaimed foodie, photographer, and new blogger.  Now a SAHM, she was a school counselor and cast member of Joey & Maria’s Comedy Wedding for many years.  Nikki currently consults as a private, independent college counselor. Follow her @DaysWithUs.

Local Mother's Day Events

Written by Emily Roach

Looking forward to breakfast in bed this weekend?  Maybe a weekend away or brunch plans?  There are lots of options and here are a few notable ones in our area.

~Blue on Highland: Dine on Sunday and receive a gift bag filled with spa goodies from jaie3 salon and spa.  The gift bag will include samples and spa specials for their location in Medfield. Enjoy brunch and lunch from 11-4, or dinner from 3-9pm.  Reservations are suggested, please call 781-444-7001.

~Arnold Arboretum: Lilac Sunday is here!  Enjoy the blooming lilacs, live music, food vendors or pack a picnic and head over to the Arnold Arboretum. Refreshments and activities will be available from 10-4.  This can get crowded so head over early. For more details, click here.

~Duckling Parade: Head into Boston and catch the Duckling Parade at Boston Common. Children and family members are encouraged to dress up as their favorite character from the book, Make Way for Ducklings. You can preregister and buy tickets ahead of time here. Registration opens at 10:30, parade starts at noon. 

What are your Mother's Day traditions? 

About the Author

Emily lives in Needham with her husband Jim and two children.  After working in retail for 10 years, she decided to stay home with the kids and bake.  Emily is also working with Parent Talk Marketing, Needham Farmers Market and writes a blog at Random Recycling: Modern Green Living for Busy Families.

The Other Baby Book

The following post is an excerpt from The Other Baby Book: A Natural Approach to Baby’s First Year (Full Cup Press, April 2012). Meet the authors at a book signing at Isis Needham on June 2rd.

Expectations. We all have them. And, when we get real, we can see that they’re the source of our trouble. If we go into parenthood thinking our lives will stay the same, the new reality can be a shock to our systems.

Most Western cultures’ expectations of the baby experience go something like this: you have a pain-free birth thanks to an epidural or other intervention. You take your child home and put him in a crib soon after. He sleeps the whole night through, and begins taking regular, reliable naps. He cries a bit, but it’s always clear why, and you’re quickly able to learn why and to address his needs. You learn how to breastfeed easily, or if you don’t, it’s easy enough to switch to formula, no harm done. Your baby fits into your schedule with minimal disruption. If he doesn’t, you train him to. You continue your life as before, whether or not you go back to work, and your baby easily accommodates you. 

When we expect our baby to accommodate us, we’re in for a battle, because there’s nothing in a baby’s nature that has prepared him to ignore his needs. His survival instinct tells him to scream for all he’s worth, and scream he will, until you respond or disconnect your ears from your heart.

But hear us and breathe: there’s another way. If we shift our thinking from mourning and grasping for our old life to embracing our new one—focused on the needs of a dependent, helpless, pure little being—peace settles in. People often ask us, “Don’t you get burned out?” Yes and no. Sure, we get tired like anyone else, but when you view this as a season, one you can never get back, there’s a sweetness in it, a sacredness, a desire to cherish every moment. No one wants to look back on their child’s first years and say, we survived. Instead, we thrived, is something we can all say—if we embrace our new reality.

Letting the baby lead sounds nice. (Or maybe not, depending on your perspective.) But how does it work? First, throw out any and all expectations of yourself and your baby. Unsubscribe from those Babycenter.com emails if they’re driving you crazy with unrealistic ideals. Here are some of the most common expectations that new moms tend to internalize: He should like the car. We should be able to get out of the house on time. He shouldn’t cry in public (or really, at all). I should be able to manage the housework and take care of my baby. See a common theme? Yup, the word should. These “should” statements will drain the life right out of you.

Instead of yearning for what isn’t, the best way to flow with motherhood is to recognize what is, and work within its parameters. More than that, find what you love about being a mama and focus on that. Your baby won’t nap on his own? Make snuggling part of your daily ritual. He hates the car? Bundle him into a carrier and share an adventure on public transportation. He cries when you leave the house? Host playgroups in your home. 

It’s all in how you look at things. If you think a baby “should” fill-in-the-blank, which clearly he’s not doing, you waste precious energy arguing with reality. And you can always find a friend or relative to back you up on that stance. The “shoulds” are where the disconnect happens and when we begin creating situations that don’t respect a baby’s unique needs. Crying-it-out, for example, was created as a “solution” to the statement “he should sleep through the night.”

As Naomi Aldort, author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, likes to say, “the baby is always right.” He cries when left to fall asleep at night? Something’s not working for him—he’s expressing a valid need. Contrary to popular opinion, babies do not manipulate. They aren’t capable of it. So don’t worry about getting hoodwinked by your little one. Instead, nurture your own soul by nurturing him. The thriving relationship you’ll share, and the satisfaction of being in sync and being able to nurture your baby is unlike any job satisfaction we’ve known.

Megan Massaro and Miriam Katz co-authored The Other Baby Book: A Natural Approach to Baby’s First Year. Megan is a freelance writer and Miriam is a professional life coach. Both mamas live in Boston with their husband and daughters. You can learn more about the book or order a copy at www.theotherbabybook.com. 

Parent Talk Members: Come to a local book signings (June 2^nd from 3-5pm at Isis Parenting in Needham) and let us know you found us on Parent Talk. We’ll take $5 off the retail price!

Mother's Day Craft Projects

Written by Amanda Liljedahl

With Mother's Day quickly approaching, my kiddos and I have been busy coming up with gift ideas for the grandmothers in our lives to let them know how much they are loved and appreciated.  What grandmother doesn't love homemade gifts that come from the heart? We first decided to decorate flower pots and fill them with each's favorite flowers. They will be able to think of their grandchildren as the plant blooms all season long. We started with terra cotta planters purchased at AC Moore (3 for $1). The kids then painted the pots and saucers white using acrylic paint. When the paint dried we then had some fun decorating with hand and thumb prints to capture the little hands at this particular stage. I painted my five children’s hands with their favorite color then helped them each gently apply a hand print onto the outside of the pot. We then decorated another pot with the kids' thumbprints which we arranged in a circle to look like flower petals (just be sure to initial whose fingerprint is whose in pen under each print).  Sticking with the floral theme, we also came up with 3D picture arrangements, blooming on paper.

I cut out photographs of the children’s faces to be the center of each flower, then the kids cut and glued on petals, twisted green paper into stems and glued on a little paper cup, cut in half, to serve as the pot.  For a finishing touch we glued a ribbon to the top of this flower pot and used a marker tip to add some polka dots.  On the back of the picture the kids came up with the caption, "Nanny, thanks for helping us bloom."

 My children have always enjoyed tea parties with my mom so I thought something to show how much they treasure those special moments with her would also be welcome. The kids water colored on plain white paper and once those dried, I cut them into the shape of a tea cup and attached a favorite tea bag. On the saucer we wrote, "For a grandmother who’s sweet as can be, we hope you enjoy a cup of tea." And for a final gift we thought, what girl doesn't love to receive jewelry?

The grandmothers in our family are no different so we decided to make some beautiful bracelets for them.

We bought some colorful glass beads, wire, and clasps at the craft store, then the kids sorted, arranged, and thread the beads onto the wire. I attached the clasps and viola- beautiful new bracelets to rival any Pandora collection! I think the mothers in our life will be touched with our creative homemade gifts and hope you are able to try these ideas for the important moms in your life this Mother's Day!

About Amanda:

Amanda Liljedahl lives in Needham with her husband and five children (two boys, a set of identical twin girls and their newest addition, another girl). She chronicles her days which include arts & crafts projects, great recipes for the family and driving her kids from hockey practice and ballet to what's happening in her life as a mom, wife and friend on her blog: www.thelittlelilypad.blogspot.com. Amanda will be sharing monthly arts & crafts ideas on Parent Talk Matters Blog so check back each month for new creative projects. 

Parent Talk – We’re on Pinterest!

Written by Mary Richman & Emily Roach

Do you keep hearing friends talk about “pins” and “pinning” things and have no idea what they’re talking about?  Well, here’s the scoop. All these “pin…” mentions all point in one direction - to Pinterest, the newest social media craze.

Pinterest is essentially a digital corkboard that serves as a central collection for everything you see and like on the Internet. When you come across something fun, you can “pin it” to your account and create a collection of your favorite things. It is in essence a way to visually bookmark things on the web.

And of course, there’s also a social aspect to Pinterest. How could it be THE new online craze without it? You can follow your friends and also search your favorite topics to see what others are pinning.  Then when you see what you like, you can  “re-pin” it to your collection. 

We’ve been checking out this new phenomenon and have seen many of our members start collecting “pins.”  We think it is a great way for everyone to share their favorite new finds – handy home gadgets, activity for the kids, delicious recipes and great books.  So we’ve joined in the fun and set up a Parent Talk Pinterest account. We’ve set up collections or “boards” that we hope you’ll enjoy and also find helpful. If you’re on Pinterests, you can follow us here. If you’re new to the Pinterest scene and want to check out what it is all about, let us know and we’ll send you an invite so you can register and see why everyone’s head is “pinning!”

If you are not new to Pinterest and looking for more information, check out this Ultimate List of Pinterest Tips for a few that we are sure will surprise and delight you.

Here is the fun part...leave us a link to your Pinterest account so we can follow you back!  If you find a "pin" worthy idea, let us know on this blog post via comments or on Facebook.

Happy Pinning!

Mary and Emily are both avid "pinners."  You can frequently find both of them repinning each others recipes and craft ideas at 10 o'clock at night. Find them here and here.