3 Things You Can Do to Prepare to Be a Parent with a Disability

 3 Things You Can Do to Prepare to Be a Parent with a Disability

While new parents eagerly await the arrival of their bundle of joy, they busily prepare their homes and themselves for their lives to change in the best way possible. All parents try to prepare as much as they can, and parents with disabilities have special considerations to make before a new baby arrives. We share a few things you can do to prepare for your new role as parents, including how to handle the stress that comes along with your newborn.

1. Prepare Your Home

Preparing your home for a new baby does not necessarily have to include baby-proofing, since your little one won’t be crawling for some time. Many new parents feel they need to get their homes ready for baby by installing childproof locks on doors, windows, cabinets, etc., but you have a few months before you need to worry about your baby being able to get into potentially unsafe places. Save yourself time and stress by focusing on the most pressing preparations for a newborn.

For example, you need to choose a space for the nursery, find places for the swing and baby bouncer, and make sure that you have baby monitors in place to help you keep an ear or an eye out for baby at all times. Keep in mind that new parents with disabilities should purchase accessible baby gear.

Consider putting as many items on the main floor of your home as possible if you have mobility challenges. Put a changing station on both levels of your home so that you have the necessities handy. And, put a bassinet in your bedroom to keep your newborn close, so you don’t have to worry about maneuvering around your home in the dark when you’re exhausted and stressed.

2. Find Support

Becoming a new parent is an exciting, stressful, and scary time for anyone. But, people with disabilities may fear that they will struggle in their new role as a parent and not know where to turn for support or encouragement. If you’ve struggled with addiction in the past, especially because of your disability, it is crucial that you find support before you cope with stress in an unhealthy way or put your sobriety at risk. Attend a meeting, talk to your sponsor, or meet with a counselor or therapist to remain in recovery.

Another way you can help yourself handle the stress of being a parent with a disability is joining a support group to talk with other parents who face the same struggles. It will help you realize you are not alone and provide additional resources and encouragement from people who are in your position and have healthy, happy families. Talking with other people will help you combat feelings of isolation and depression, and it will give you an outlet for sharing your emotions and relieving stress.

3. Prioritize Self-Care

It may seem counterintuitive to make yourself a priority when you have a new child, but you cannot be the best parent possible if you fail to care for yourself. Practicing self-care involves taking time for yourself to exercise, relax, read, or practice mindfulness. Anything that makes you feel good, relieves stress, and relaxes you will energize you and help you handle the pressure of being a new parent.

It’s easy for parents to feel selfish or guilty if they put some of their needs first. But, mental health professionals agree that new parents need downtime for self-care because they have such a demanding job. Say yes when friends and relatives ask if they can give you a break. Use the time to take a nap, take a hot bath, or read a book (one that is not about parenting) for a few minutes. Ask your spouse to take over while you get outside for some fresh air. Allow people to drop off food for you, or ask a friend to pick up take-out for you on her way home from work.

People with disabilities can prepare their homes and their lives for parenthood by purchasing accessible baby gear, finding support, and prioritizing self-care. The more you prepare, the less stressful having a newborn will be.

Image via Pixabay by jakobking85

Ashley Taylor is a disabled mother of two wonderful, amazing, energetic children. She met her husband, Tom, while doing physical therapy. Tom had suffered a spinal cord injury due to a car accident and uses a wheelchair for mobility. Ashley and Tom knew they wanted children and knew they would have to adapt their lives and home in order to make this dream come true. Ashley is happy to say that they are the proud parents of two healthy, wonderful children and their disabilities haven’t stopped them from leading a happy, fulfilling life.

Giving Thanks for My Parent Talk Village

"It takes a village to raise a child." - African proverb

My babies, Kiera and Padraig, in 2011.  Photo credit: J+R Photography 

I remember when the first wave of panic set in. My husband told me that he had a five day work trip right after we closed on our new Needham home. Images of eight-month pregnant me, sitting defeated on our living room couch next to our 21-month-old daughter, surrounded by countless unpacked moving boxes, filled my mind. Thankfully, my godmother from New Jersey swooped to the rescue and stayed with us that first week and helped me unpack. But it made me wonder, what had we done? Why did we move away from our village in New Jersey?

Moving had never been an issue for me before. I moved from Singapore to Illinois for college, then to New Jersey upon graduation, and then to Massachusetts for my husband’s work. But the move of merely 9.1 miles with 1.5 kids, from the South End in Boston to Needham, was terrifying. Aside from a few of my husband’s colleagues, we did not know anyone (or, technically speaking, I did not know anyone). Yes, people comforted me with, "You will meet people when your kids are in school." But how was I going to survive being isolated in the suburbs for the next three years before our firstborn entered kindergarten?

“You need to join Parent Talk,” my husband’s colleague’s wife stated matter-of-factly. So I did.

The 2-year-olds from our playgroup with friends, nicknamed the "Bigs," at Spooky Walk in 2011.

It was a slow introduction to Parent Talk, just because getting out of the house with two kids (a 2-year-old and an infant) by myself was almost impossible. So, as a start, we attended PT's family events (e.g., Frosty’s Festival, Story Time with Elmo) to maintain the critical one-to-one adult to kid ratio. Then, we graduated to the PT parenting lectures which gave us a few more tools to add to our parenting toolbox. And the YMCA discount for Parent Talk members was phenomenal! It pretty much made up for the membership fee, assuming we made it to the gym. And then we hit the jackpot -- Playgroup.

We were arbitrarily assigned to one of several playgroups based on our daughter’s age. This meant that we were coming into a playgroup that had started two years ago, and had grown to include 20 to 30 families. Not intimidating, right? But after I sent the initial awkward email introduction about our family, there was an immediate response. "Hello. Welcome to our playgroup. Like you, we are all in the trenches. It does get easier. We meet at the Playspace or Perry Park every Friday morning. Join us."

The "Bigs" a few years later with younger siblings, the "Littles," at Spooky Walk. in 2015.

The relief I felt was palpable. No pressure to host others, no pressure to attend every playgroup gathering. Come as you are, when you can. After my kids and I got into the swing of these weekly Friday playdates, an interesting thing happened. These were not just playdates for my kids, they became my playdates too.  

What an incredible group of moms, dads, caregivers and kids -- generous, kind, fun, creative, organized, intelligent, and honest. This group was a source for vacation ideas, contractor recommendations, recipe swaps, and sharing parenting ups and downs. This was group parenting at its best, as we exchanged candid and valuable information. We worked at Parent Talk Sales together, attended family events (Memorial Day Picnic at DeFazio Park, Spooky Walk), volunteered for meal trains, socialized at Moms’ Nights Out (and Away!), and there were even a few poker nights for dads. Through life’s best and worst moments, we have been there to support each other.

Mom's Night Away, Portland, Maine, 2015.

It has been a little over four years since our family moved to Needham. We honestly thought we would head back to New Jersey when the appropriate job opportunity for my husband came up in the New York or New Jersey area. The PT playgroup changed that trajectory. Our playgroup has morphed into our extended family. My husband and I no longer feel the need to move. We know in our hearts that Needham is home and this is where our family can grow roots. And it all started with Parent Talk.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful to Parent Talk for helping me build my village.

About the author

Joyce McCafferty is an unexpected stay-at-home Needham mom. She is so glad that her husband chose to relocate to Needham because that one choice set into motion so many wonderful events


EDITOR'S NOTE: This Thanksgiving holiday is the perfect time to take a moment to consider and share all of the things we are thankful for. If you have your own story of gratitude for the Parent Talk village, an experience, PT's offerings, events, or anything else, please share it with us with the Comments section below. Or join us on on Facebook and Twitter, beginning your story with "I am thankful to Parent Talk for . . . " and tag it with #Thankful4PT.

What's on Your PT Sale Shopping List?

In the weeks leading up to the Parent Talk Used Clothing, Toy and Equipment Sale, my living room and dining room become staging areas.  Donations and consignments go out the door to Sale in order to make room for purchases coming in the door from the Sale.

Once the donations have been made and the consignments have been tagged, it's time to pull together my shopping list for the day of the Sale.  I make a mental list of what each child needs in several categories, including seasonal items, toys, equipment and my favorite -- what I call "back-up" items.  I also keep my eyes open for what I call "jack-pot" items.

Seasonal Items

 At the Fall Sale, my list always includes the following items: 

• Halloween Costumes --  Last year, I was able to buy three or four costumes for each for my twins.  Even though the twins did not end up wearing any of them for Halloween, they now have a very full dress-up closet with which they play all of the time.  This year, I am on the lookout for the makings of a pirate princess costume.

"Who dressed YOU?" by Juhan Sonin

• Winter Gear  -- I almost always end up picking up a few winter gear items, whether they be back-up items for daycare (more on that later) or "new" gear for the slopes.  I always look for tried and true name brands like L.L.Bean and Lands' End.  I know that items from these brands will stand up to being used by several kids, and the companies' return policies are extremely generous in case a zipper breaks or a seam pulls after years of use. This year, I am on the hunt for snow pants for my older son.

•  Holiday Outfits -- If you think about it, it never makes sense to buy holiday outfits new when you can buy them worn once or twice for a fraction of the cost!  This fall, I am looking for a dress for my daughter and coordinating sweaters for my boys.

"Had a little Christmas session." by Tanner Smith

Toys 

This year, my family has been really focused on getting the toys out of the house and reducing our clutter, so I don't need as many toys this year.  When my kids were younger, however, I got some amazing toys from the Sale, especially toys for the newborn through toddler age range.  These toys don't get quite as much wear and tear as toys for older children. I have picked up many nearly new items, including walkers, musical toys and Tonka trucks!  This year, my list is short, but it does include some key items:

• Board Games - My kids are starting to play games cooperatively, with little support from Mom and Dad.  At the Sale, I am hoping to pick up a few new games to add to the rotation.  The Sale is always well stocked with everyone's favorite games, so if you see Apples to Apples, save it for me!

• Coloring/Activity Books - My daughter is a coloring fiend right now. If she could, she would color for hours every day.  My boys love activity books with mazes and "spot the difference" pages. I am hoping to pick up a few of these to stash in our family car so that when we go out to eat, travel, or go on car trips there will always be something for me to grab that is new entertainment.

"coloring book" by Julie Rybarczyk

• Music - Similarly, I am planning to keep an eye out for a few CDs.  We mostly listen to streaming music at home, but we do have a CD player in the playroom and in our minivan.  I love to pull out something that  we have not listened to when we are into the fifth hour of a road trip to see the in-laws!

Back-Up Items

Okay, here's the deal.  This is where you can really make out at the Sale.  Even if you prefer to buy new for your kids, you can always use a back-up of something, right?  Whether it's an extra Pack 'n Play for your mom's house, a second jogging stroller for the beach or an extra set of winter gear for daycare, why pay full price?  Your kids will use these items only a fraction of the time, and with all the great brands and quality items at the Sale, you can't go wrong!  This year my list includes:

• Winter Gear --  My kids all go to daycare and instead of schlepping boots, hats, mittens, coats and snow pants back and forth each day, I just get them a second set of everything.  This year,   I am on the lookout for a second set of winter gear for my younger son. 

• Rain Gear -- How many times have you left for school when it has been sunny and then the day takes a turn for the worse?  Again, it's easier just to have back-up rain gear that you can leave at school for the season.  My daughter needs rain boots (size 11, if you see them)!

"running in wellies and raincoats" by Sarah Offley Photography Wirral

• Baby Gear -- Just kidding! Nothing is on my list for baby gear this year. I am purging baby gear these days, but in the past when I was expecting twins, I got great deals on strollers, a second swing, and a second high-chair.  Last year, I got a great deal on not one, but two Razor scooters.  Look for Pack 'n Plays, extra sheets, a second baby carrier (adjust one for mom and one for dad, and no need to readjust ever again) and second (or third) strollers.

• Jack-Pot Items --  Last but not least are what I call the jack-pot items. This is the brand new Mini Boden shirt in your son's size for $8, or the pink Pottery Barn kitchen for a fraction of the cost, new.  While I don't put anything specific from this category on my shopping list, there is always something that catches my eye at every Sale.  At this year's Spring Sale, I picked up several brand new crew-neck tee shirts for my daughter for under fifteen dollars.  Last fall, I got a nearly new pair of pink Kamik boots for her, which she wore nearly every day from January to May!   

What's on your shopping list?

About the Author
Wendy Todd lives in Needham with her husband, Aaron, and three kids aged eight, four and four. She started volunteering for the Parent Talk Sale in 2008 and has been on the Sale Committee for the last four Sales. She plans to stay on the Committee until her very last bargain is found! She previously served on the Board of Directors of Parent Talk as both Playspace Chair and President.

Editor's note:  One of the best ways to score an item on your PT Sale shopping list (especially those jack-pot items!) is to volunteer for the Sale. Volunteers can shop early, before the start of the Sale.  Help is especially needed on Sale Day, Saturday, October 17, 2015. If you are interested in volunteering, please sign up at SignUpGenius.  

Flying on Airplanes with Young Children

As an A-lister on Southwest (back when that meant taking more than 50 flights per year), I never was overly bothered by a crying child on an airplane. However, some people have a lower threshold of what they can tolerate. That threshold can be easily breached by the nearby child who is unable to perform all those things that naturally fall within a mature adult's capacity -- to sit quietly for a prolonged period in a particular seat in cramped quarters in an enclosed environment with very few things to do or see. Instead, a child may feel the need to talk loudly, engage neighboring passengers (whether or not the passengers like it), wriggle, refuse to respect the fasten-seat-belt sign, cry, yell, or otherwise be a very young person on a very boring airplane flight.

"Buckled In" by Scott Sherrill-Mix

The recent murmuring about what some people perceive as a need for child-free flights is not entirely new. There have been previous arguments for child-free zones on airplanes. Both arguments raise the issue faced by many parents of how to best travel with their children.  It's not a pleasant experience to get dirty looks from other passengers. Or despite the great love we feel for our own, parents can need a break from their childrens' airplane antics as well.

While I no longer qualify as an A-lister, having family and a house in other states resulted in my logging a fair share of flights with child in hand. From the first few flights of his infancy to the more frequent trips in his preschooler days, we have taken anywhere between 4 to 20 flights per year as a family. In that time, I have learned a few tips and tactics, both from experience and other frequent fliers.

"Toddler's first airplane" by Scott Sherill-Mix

1. Different Travel Distances for Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers - Although it seems counter intuitive, travelling longer distances on an airplane can be easier with a small infant than a toddler.  Infants can nurse or bottle feed on take-off and landings, and swallowing can help relieve the air pressure building in their ears which leads to crying.  They can fly free on our laps, and may also sleep easily and often throughout the trip with a minimum of wriggling.  

Toddlers, on the other hand, may want to get up and move around more often, so shorter flights can be preferable. It can be much more of a challenge keeping a toddler happy and entertained in his seat when the "fasten-seat-belt" light comes on.  Due to his increased need for space and physical activity, buying a seat for a toddler can make a long flight more bearable, even if he still technically qualifies for free travel as a lap child.

"Seatback" by Sean Munson

Preschoolers will need their own seat if simply due to age restrictions for free travel (up to age 2). They may be able to handle longer flights in their seats than toddlers, having greater ability to entertain themselves in one place.  Overall, I find cross-country flying easiest with my preschooler. He is now happy in his seat the whole flight and is a good enough walker (and I have strong enough arms) that we don't need to lug around a stroller. I found the same trip most challenging with a toddler who had difficulty sitting in place.  Designing vacation travel around different distances for your children as they age is something to consider.

2. Mystery Bag of Goodies -- A selection of new, age-appropriate toys and books can help keep kids interested and happy in the air.  As a toddler, my son enjoyed walking around the plane and peeking around his seat more than playing with the toys we brought, but he did play a short time with his stuffed animals and sketch pad.  He was also interested in viewing (and ripping up!) the pages of the on-flight magazine and playing with the safety card instructions.  The shiny packages of in-flight snacks became toys to him. As a preschooler, he enjoys coloring at his seat with water-pens, sewing or other travel-friendly crafts, listening to music (especially The Wiggles), and reading books.

"what was in my bag" by Ariel Grimm

3.  Wholesome Meals/Snacks - Adequate food became one of my top travel worries once my little guy was eating solid meals.  Knowing that he was hungry while I was stuck in my seat without  the right foods for him (at the time, I only carried snacks and purees) was an awful feeling.  Also, airplane snacks just don't make the cut for a healthy and filling meal. Some airlines like Virgin America have decent meal-type snacks for purchase, but there is no guarantee that what you want will be available, especially for kids with allergies. 

I now have learned to pack our own food in an insulated lunch bag.  Cut-up hot dogs, cheese, cold meats, fruit and vegetables do a good job as a meal. Child-sized servings of yogurt are also a life-saver for filling a hungry belly when it is lunch-time but we are still a long time away from landing. Goldfish crackers and fortified cereal packed in small, hard, plastic containers are also good to have on hand. Boiled eggs are healthy and portable, along with sandwiches.  Instant oatmeal can also be made by travelling with an oatmeal packet (or use starter baby cereals in a plastic bag) and asking the flight attendant for a cup of hot water.  Food can be prepared either at home or purchased from a supermarket's hot/cold food bar (such as at Whole Foods) when on the go.  Be sure to bring utensils!

"064" by Kelly Polizzi

4. Layover or Direct?  This choice can be highly individual, depending on the child's energy level and cost of direct flights.  On one hand, a layover can provide opportunity for everyone (especially toddlers and preschoolers) with an opportunity to walk and stretch. On the other hand, it can be disruptive for a child who wants to sleep.  If the layover comes at nap time, noisy terminals can make it impossible to sleep, leaving the parent with a cranky, crying child.  

Compared to flying direct, each separate leg of travel increases the risk of delays which can make your child cranky and irritable. A long trip that suddenly becomes even longer can seem unbearable to a little one and result in nonstop crying when finally on the plane. We once had a 7 to 8 hour trip become a 14 hour trip due to delays from our layover. While I sympathized with the people around me who had to hear my child miserably crying, I felt even worse for him.  Anytime we can fly direct, we now try to do so.  It  can be expensive, but budget-friendly airlines like Southwest, Jet Blue, and Virgin America make it a little less painful.

"On our way to America" by Lars Plougmann

5. Time of Day for Flying - One of the greatest travel tips I received was from my executive-platinum-frequent-flying brother-in-law. Fly the first flight of the day for your route. Not only does this avoid delays caused by traffic patterns due to flights ahead of your flight, but it also means clear travelling en route to the airport. In car-heavy cities like Los Angeles, this can mean getting to the airport within 20 minutes without traffic instead of an hour-long drive in traffic.  While taking the first flight of the day can mean rising in the dark before the birds chirp, we have found that the quiet, early morning travel to the airport and plane ride to be vastly more enjoyable for our child than loud, busy mid-day travel when both traffic and chatter is high.  It makes for a calmer child, and is more conducive to helping him nap, compared to travelling at a busier time.

For many more travel tips that go far beyond these, I recommend Travels with Baby by Sherry Rivoli. This book is an incredibly thorough and helpful resource for travelling with kids. I only wish I had discovered it sooner. It is available in both hardcopy and e-reader format.

About the Author

Darlene W. Cancell is an attorney turned stay-at-home mom, and most recently the blog coordinator for Parent Talk.

Do you have special tips for travelling with children? Please share them in the Comments section below.  

LINX Classes at Parent Talk Playspace!

Last Spring, Parent Talk had trial classes for children at our playspace, sponsored by LINX. According to our membership survey this summer, (more on that in a later post) those classes were very popular, so we are very happy to offer a full schedule of classes again starting in September! LINX provides their enthusiastic, well trained teachers and receives the benefit of new enrollment from the Parent Talk community. Our members get conveniently located classes at a discount and Parent Talk receives 10% of the fees paid!  

Beginning September 5^th classes in the Playspace will include Monday and Friday mornings.  Mondays, Miss Carry starts off at 9:25am with Family Music Makers, a "mixed age family jam session" for ages 0-4. This is followed by Sports Safari at 10:35, where 18-23 month olds  will “run like jaguars, swing like monkeys and cheer like lions."

Friday is yoga day with Miss Ingrid which uses, Kidding Around Yoga™ (KAY), teaching yoga to children in a creative and playful way. During Family Yoga, at 9:45am parents and children ages 12 months to 4 years will explore yoga poses, breathing, meditation, respect and kindness while we “moo like cows, meow like cats, sail in boats, and so much more." Then at 10:45, 3 to 5 year olds will learn yoga while singing, dancing, laughing and storytelling. 

Classes can be tried on a monthly basis, or larger blocks with benefits.

Want to know more? Visit the Parent Talk page on the LINX site to learn more about the classes, schedules, program goals and prices.  It’s where you can register for classes as well.

Purely Pears Homemade Baby Food Delivered Right to Your Door

Purely Pears is a new delivery service offering homemade baby food using local and fresh ingredients whenever possible. Want to give your baby the freshest food, but don't have the extra time to make it yourself? Parent Talk member and volunteer, Cathy Memory, got the opportunity to test out the service and shares her review below.

We kicked off the experiment with Petit Peas (just peas) thinking that a green vegetable would be the toughest to impress, ie. it would HAVE to be good for my lil 9 month old to like it. AND she did. She definitely liked it more than my own homemade pureed peas - possibly because of the uniformly smoother texture? I use a Cuisinart, but it's still not as smooth as theirs or the jarred variety. The bright green color was much more appealing than the jarred, store-bought organic option.

My daughter loved Carrot and Apple, Squash and Carrot, and ALL the fruit and vegetable blends. Peas with Cinnamon is an interesting/different combo. When I make babyfood I never think to add a spice, although I know some of the Earth's Best offerings do.

I tasted the Squash and Carrot myself and thought it tasted very fresh and very good. I also tasted the Purely Pears myself (just pureed pears) and it was DELICIOUS - like a pear dessert. Tasting and serving the food for several days made me wonder how the heck they could make it so much better tasting than my homemade - smoother texture aside - considering our ingredients would be the same.

My 3 day supply cost $32 for 9 large jars. You are paying a little more for superior quality, freshness, and convenience than say buying the organic off the shelf baby food.

I thought the hotel package offered on the Website was a great idea. I might take advantage of it if I was traveling to Boston from somewhere else. {Get a package of baby food delivered right to your hotel, including bib, spoon and bowls! Great tip to share with friends who might be visiting Boston.}

The delivery service was friendly and on time - even kept me updated on anticipated arrival time due to traffic.

To learn more about Purely Pears and their homemade baby food delivery service, head over to their website and take a look at their seasonal menu. Cathy was lucky enough to test out the baby food and all opinions expressed here are her own.